Just Deserts Read online

  Just Deserts

  Richard Joyce

  Austin Macauley Publishers

  Just Deserts

  About the Author

  About the Book

  Dedication

  Copyright Information ©

  Acknowledgements

  Dramatis PersonaeAdults

  School Pupils

  Act 1Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Act 2Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Act 3Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Act 4Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  Scene 5

  Scene 6

  Act 5Scene 1

  Scene 2

  Scene 3

  Scene 4

  About the Author

  The author was educated at a school in southern England. Following graduation from Trinity College, Cambridge, he made a working visit to Dallas, Texas, where, as a teacher, he obtained much of the background for his first novel, A Premature Affair, a personalised study of the events and repercussions surrounding the Kennedy assassination. He has worked in London as a freelance journalist, teacher and writer, and travelled and taught widely in Germany, the United States and Canada; it was during these assignments that he obtained experience of schools’ theatre productions, particularly Shakespeare, and the difficulties and exhilaration inherent in them. He currently lives in Somerset, where he is working on the third part of his Kennedy trilogy.

  About the Book

  Can anything rescue Wildmoor from disaster? A deluded journalist with trouble distinguishing reality from fiction… A politician with a murky secret… A dubious educational establishment badly managed… Honey-traps and fake harassment charges… A ‘play for our times’, indeed.

  Enthusiastic young school actors observe their ambitious school production spiralling out of control, while all about them, their elders and betters pursue their own shameless interests, desires and worse. Is the tragic plot of the school play starting to overwhelm the school itself?

  Only Providence can help now…

  Dedication

  For Caryl

  Copyright Information ©

  Richard Joyce (2019)

  The right of Richard Joyce to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

  Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

  A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

  ISBN 9781528919814 (Paperback)

  ISBN 9781528962841 (ePub e-book)

  www.austinmacauley.com

  First Published (2019)

  Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd

  25 Canada Square

  Canary Wharf

  London

  E14 5LQ

  Acknowledgements

  To my son, Jeremy, who gave me invaluable advice on plays and play script formatting

  To Caryl, who read the first draft so encouragingly

  To John.D, who gave me my first opportunity to produce a school play

  Dramatis Personae

  Adults

  Major Ray Parker, headmaster

  Sheila Parker, headmaster’s wife, mother to Ben Jonson

  Willy Wagstaff, school drama director

  Ben Jonson, son of Sheila Parker, stepson of Major Parker

  Ben Jonson Snr, father of Ben

  Sir John Kilman, a school governor

  Colonel Maurice Minor, a school governor

  Hugh Cockrell, staff member

  Mike Hacker, local journalist

  Fred Josephs, father of Delia (plays Polonius)

  Titus Josephs, brother of Delia

  Malfellow (a henchman)

  Police chief

  Bodyguards to Kilman

  School Pupils

  Cordelia Josephs (Stage Manager and Narrator)

  Sam Steadfast (also plays Horatio)

  Laura

  Gemma (plays Gertrude)

  Al Hammit (plays Hamlet and Marcellus)

  Dennis Thugley (plays King Claudius and Barnardo)

  Sally

  Henry Wise (plays Francisco)

  Eisha Minor, daughter of Colonel Minor (plays Ophelia)

  Sonny Polski, young foreign boy

  Time – the present

  Place – a small private academy for the arts somewhere in the English-speaking world

  Act 1

  Scene 1

  Theatre Auditorium. Front of curtains.

  WILLY sits unnoticed in front row of auditorium. BARNARDO standing down R on apron. Enter FRANCISCO, on apron down L. We hear a wind sound effect.

  Barnardo: Who’s there?

  Francisco: Nay, answer me. Stand and unfold yourself.

  Barnardo: Long live the King!

  Francisco: Barnardo?

  Barnardo: He.

  Francisco: You come most carefully upon your hour.

  Willy: Speak up, chaps. You’ve got to out-perform the wind. Okay? Your line, Barnardo.

  Barnardo: ’Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to bed, Francisco.

  Francisco For this relief much thanks. ’Tis bitter cold, and I am sick at heart.

  Barnardo: Have you had quiet guard?

  Francisco: Not a mouse stirring.

  Barnardo: Well, good night. If you do meet Horatio and Marcellus, the rivals of my watch, bid them make haste.

  Enter HORATIO and MARCELLUS, down L.

  Francisco: I think I hear them. Stand, ho! Who is there?

  Horatio: Friends to this ground.

  Marcellus: And liegemen to the Dane.

  He walks over to them.

  Francisco: Give you good night.

  Marcellus O, farewell honest soldier. Who hath relieved you?

  Francisco: Barnardo hath my place. Give you good night.

  Exits L.

  Marcellus: Holla, Barnardo! Say –

  Barnardo: What? Is Horatio there?

  Horatio: A piece of him.

  Barnardo: Welcome, Horatio. Welcome, good Marcellus.

  Marcellus: What, has this thing appeared again tonight?

  Barnardo: I have seen nothing.

  Marcellus: Horatio says, ’tis but our fantasy, and will not –

  Willy: Cut! The rest of that speech is cut.

  Marcellus: Sorry, Mr Wagstaff. How much –

  Willy: You go on, Horatio. Line 34.

  Horatio: Well, sit we down, and let us hear Barnardo speak of this.

  Barnardo: Last night of all, when yond same star –

  Willy: Okay, stop it there. Ghost appears at this point; the rest is cut.

  Barnardo: What are you going to do for a ghost, sir?

  Willy: Worry about it when the time comes. Anyway, well done everyone. That’s at least given me a bit of encouragement. Who knows, we might actually get this play off the ground after all.

  Barnardo: We worked and worked at it, Mr Wagstaff.

  Willy: Yes, I know. Right, that’s it for now. There’s a lecture in the school hall in half an hour. Thanks everyone; Marcellus, make sure you’ve got all the cuts.

  Marcellus: Will do, Mr Wagstaff.

  All ex
it. Lights fade.

  Scene 2

  A lecture hall in the school.

  The curtain rises to reveal a large room decorated with banners bearing political logos and slogans. Around the room stand a few bodyguards and members of the party KILMAN is running for. Pupils and staff members wander in. BEN JONSON and WILLY WAGSTAFF stand down C, talking earnestly.

  Ben: Who’s addressing us tonight, Willy? I haven’t had a moment to look. Seems like a three-line party whip.

  Willy: Yes, some politician; the name eludes me though. No doubt the King and Queen have spent the evening ‘corporate entertaining’. Ah, here they come now. Right on cue.

  PARKER, SHEILA and KILMAN enter up L.

  Ben: Good god! It’s Jack Kilman. I swear it is. With my mother.

  Willy: Sir Jack actually, I believe.

  Ben: Then he’s gone up in the world, I can tell you. But they say a leopard doesn’t change its spots.

  Willy: The grapevine has it he’s an old flame of your mother’s.

  Ben: Does it indeed? Listen, Kilman doesn’t deal in old flames. Not even my mother’s. No, there’s got to be another reason.

  Willy: Where do you know him from?

  Ben: I have a history with the man. So has my mother. We were in Kosovo together. My father was stationed there. Hush, they’re coming over. Let’s see if he’s still the lascivious, lecherous, lying bastard I once knew.

  Willy: Strong words, Ben. Are those his only faults?

  Ben: That I know of. But I doubt it.

  PARKER walks across to the rostrum with KILMAN.

  Parker: Quiet, everybody. We’re fortunate enough this evening to have with us a genuine celebrity, a man with fingers in many pies: business, politics, I might even say Education –

  Ben: (aside, to WILLY) Politics and Education never went well together.

  Parker: Sir John Kilman is running for member of parliament in the forth-coming elections, and he’s been kind enough to take time out to talk to us this evening. I won’t say any more but leave you in his capable hands.

  Kilman: Boys and girls, it’s for me the honour, and the pleasure, to talk to you this evening. Now, I have a confession to make: I’m a man with a mission, a political man with a political mission, and as such, what I have to say to you boils down to just one vital message: if you’re not for something then you’re against it; there’s no halfway house in politics; that’s just as sure as the cliffs guarding our precious land are white. And we in the ESP aim to keep those cliffs white – I see a question there – Yes, son?

  Al Hammit: What does ESP stand for, sir?

  Kilman: Well, a good question. I can see our PR people haven’t worked hard enough in these parts. ESP: Ethnic Socialist Party, a party for the individual and a party for the whole … to preserve those values our forefathers handed down … and not just values, no, to preserve the stock that has fashioned our proud nation … another question from our last questioner there – yes, young man.

  Al Hammit: Excuse me, sir. I’m Al, Al Hammit. My question is: your party doesn’t sound all that different from the one we’ve been studying in History, the German National Socialist Party. They were labelled racist; might not your party also be accused of racism –

  Kilman: I’ll tell you what, Al – Al, is it? Yes, well, I can answer your question in one sentence: if it’s racist to be proud of the country you live in, to want to keep it a land fit for heroes, then I’m proud to be called racist. Another question I see – young lady over there –

  Laura: Isn’t that three sentences, sir?

  Kilman: Three, one, it amounts to the same thing. But let me move on. Are some of you here studying French? – Good. Well, here’s another question: Do any of you know what the French word for ‘foreigners’ is? – ‘Etrangers’. Yes, etrangers. Now that word has another meaning – ‘strangers’. People you have nothing in common with – do you really want this beautiful land of ours overrun by strangers? Mind you, my party has nothing against ‘foreigners’ per se. Why, I’m personally married to one –

  Laura: – To a ‘foreigner’, sir, or a ‘stranger’?

  Parker: Now I think we’ve had enough questions from the audience.

  Kilman: Not at all, Ray. The ESP also happens to believe in free speech. Yes, young lady, I’m married to a foreigner – unless I get a divorce – then perhaps she’ll be a stranger – Ray, do you take foreigners at Wildmoor?

  Parker: Well, no one is ever a ‘stranger’ of course in our community, but if you mean foreign students, yes, we have one or two.

  Sheila: Where’s Sonny? Is Sonny in the audience?

  Parker: There he is, at the back, hiding as usual. Sonny, raise your hand.

  SONNY hesitantly raises his hand.

  Kilman: Come on forward, young man, so I can shake you by the hand. Show there’s no hard feelings.

  SONNY has come forward hesitantly, and KILMAN smiles, reaching out his hand.

  Anyone got a camera by any chance? Photo shoot.

  He looks hard at SONNY and his smile changes abruptly to surprise.

  But don’t I know you from somewhere, young man?

  SONNY has stopped in his tracks and his expression changed to one of horror.

  Sonny: No, sir.

  Kilman: You sure? I’m certain I know you. That look on your face reminds me –

  SONNY, with a cry of anguish, dashes out of the room.

  Ben: (aside to WILLY) Did you mark that? The boy’s terrified.

  Sheila: Sally, dear. Please go after him. Can’t imagine what’s come over him.

  Sally: Yes, ma’am.

  Exits.

  Al: Seems like Sonny doesn’t want to vote for you, Mr Kilman, sir.

  Kilman: I’m sure we can persuade him. As I hope I’ve persuaded some of you this evening. Well now – remains for me to thank your headmaster for giving me the chance to address you all.

  KILMAN begins to collect his papers amid polite applause.

  Sheila: Time for Prep everyone. And I’m sure we’re most grateful for those wise words from Sir John.

  Most of the students file out and drinks are put on the table while a few staff and board members remain.

  Kilman: Ray, I expect you’re aware the ESP occasionally makes generous donations to organizations like yours.

  Parker: Well, any contribution would of course be gratefully received.

  Sheila: I believe Sir John might even be persuaded to fill a vacancy on our Board, Ray.

  She wanders over with KILMAN and PARKER towards BEN and WILLY.

  Let me introduce you two gentlemen to Sir John Kilman. Ben Jonson’s an integral member of our English department, as well as my son. Willy Wagstaff’s directing our school play this year.

  Kilman: Is he? A pleasure to meet you, Mr Wagstaff. The play’s the thing –

  Ben: – Wherein we’ll catch the conscience of the King.

  Kilman: I see you know your Shakespeare, Mr Jonson. Mr Jonson, did you say? Jonson – let me see, that name rings a definite bell and your face seems familiar as well.

  Ben: There are as many Jonsons in the world, Sir John, as there are consummate liars. I think you must have the wrong Jonson.

  Kilman: Thankfully so. The Jonson I once knew certainly did seem rather sparing of the truth.

  Ben: Then heaven be praised Wildmoor Academy is spared such ill-doers.

  Kilman: Mr Wagstaff, tell me, how is your play coming along?

  Willy Also sparingly, I fear. It’s not yet cast.

  Kilman: Then cast your net more widely. I’m sure Wildmoor Academy has as many leading ladies as any director could ever desire.

  Ben: It’s villains Mr Wagstaff needs though. Getting a good villain in a play is every director’s nightmare.

  Kilman: Are you perhaps intending to take part then, Mr Jonson?

  Laura: Please excuse me, sir.

  She whispers urgently in Ben JONSON’S ear.

  Ben: Mr Kilman, sir, I have to take my leave. Something urgent’s
come up. It’s been most edifying meeting you.

  Kilman: Then perhaps before you go, allow me to offer you a piece of advice that has always served me well in politics.

  Ben: I pant to hear it.

  Kilman: Keep your powder dry, your nose clean, and mix with the right people.

  Ben: That sounds like three pieces of advice, sir.

  Kilman: Three in one, let’s call it.

  Ben: Three distillations from the same heady brew, eh? But please excuse me. Will, join me when you can.

  Exit.

  Sheila: I think we’ve had quite enough banter for one day, don’t you, Mr Wagstaff? What is the matter with my son? His behaviour is quite irregular. Anyway, Sir John we must be going, we’ve much to discuss.

  Kilman: We do indeed. And the gale seems almost to conspire to prevent my leaving until our venture is signed and sealed.

  Sheila: A lovely way of putting it.

  Sally: Mrs Parker, ma’am, Sonny’s nowhere to be found. I’ve searched high and low. It’s very windy out there.

  Sheila: Thank you, Sally. Strange … he’s not one prone to go running off like this.

  Exit all, the CURTAIN falls.

  Scene 3

  On the moor. Night. High wind and occasional lightning.

  Enter, down L, from Auditorium: BEN, WILLY, LAURA, SAM.

  Ben: He must be found. Here’s some torches. We’ll split up and go in separate directions. Sam, go with Laura, Willy, you and I’ll go together. You’ve all got mobiles.

  Sam: Why d’you think he ran off, sir?

  Ben: I don’t know, but I have my suspicions. Let’s get going. You two go that way.

  SAM and LAURA cross apron and exit L.

  Do you think he recognised me back in the Hall, Willy?

  Willy: I think he might have. It’s hard to say. You certainly didn’t endear yourself.

  Ben: Come on, let’s find the boy; things are not all they seem at Wildmoor. The boy holds the key.

  Exit apron R. Curtains open and they enter again full stage up R.